OF MUTUAL BENEFIT is a no-cost, four part series, for you and a partner, to explore, co-support, process and find resilience through the distress, overwhelm, anxiety, grief, rage etc. of These Times.

Dear Friend,

If you have found yourself here (and welcome!), then you - like so many others - are trying to find your way through The Psychology of Now. The anxiety, grief, rage and overwhelm you may be feeling as you consider our collective present and future can be difficult, painful and frightening. It is also appropriate and is a normal response, when witnessing injustice and violence towards people and planet - whether this stems from racism, climate change, political chicanery, ecocide, genocide, the dehumanizing aspects of Capitalism, or truthfully, the intersectionality of it all. Dominant powers benefit from a populous that is overwhelmed and disempowered. Yet, we are all in this together, and I see this as our strength. OF MUTUAL BENEFIT offers practices and tools for resilience while also seeking to strengthen social connections, community and emotional intelligence.

While feeling emotionally bludgeoned is understandable, this can also be fueled by fatalistic and entrenched storylines (perpetuated in great part by media) that “We’re F*cked”. Coupled with an internal sense of alarm, it can be difficult to see how anything else IS possible. Nonetheless, this is also what starts to happen when we begin the process of befriending our experience. While your anxiety and grief is part of your wholeness, it does not have to be your primary experience. Resilience, hope and empowerment is within reach.

This co-counseling program is a form of mutual aid, and is based on our own nervous system; specifically our most recently evolved stress response. We’ve all heard of Fight, Flight and Freeze - those beautiful and immediate ways our nervous system tries to keep us and others safe when confronted with real or apparent danger. But have you heard of Tend and Befriend?

Essentially, Tend and Befriend is the impulse to reach out for connection and social comfort when stressed or in danger. It is the miraculous coming together of people that we often see in response to catastrophes like hurricanes, wildfires or earthquakes (and it is also part of the impulse to check social media). You can read the science behind it HERE. At its simplest…we are social animals that have evolved to come together to feel safe and secure. After two years plus of global pandemic, combined with aspects of modern living that foster isolation not only from each other but also the more-than-human world, we have less contact at a time when we need each other more than ever before.

OF MUTUAL BENEFIT encourages us to move from fight/flight/freeze/withdraw to seeking connection through tend and befriend. This is supported through being witnessed and deeply listened to via council style sharing. Journal and speaking prompts, techniques for supporting the nervous system, Ecotherapy practices and grief literacy create psychological and emotional flexibility.

The practices in this program build upon each other and have a malleable simplicity to them in order to meet You wherever you are in your process…whether that is just beginning the journey or well on your way. They are meant to be returned to as needed, and can be continued after the initial four sessions with the same partner, a new one or in a group setting.

Before you begin

You will need a place to gather where privacy and confidentiality can be respected. You will also need a time keeping device.

Trauma-informed considerations

You’ll be reminded of this throughout the program, and it is worth repeating - everything here is an invitation. One of the defining aspects of trauma is that the experience was not wanted or chosen. Even if it was during a situation that a person went into willingly, the experience itself was against the will. So all activities in this program have the caveat of if you would like to.

When it comes to sharing, only share and be vulnerable at a level that feels safe to you. The Jane Addams Collective in New York City, who creates programs with a mutual-aid based understanding of mental health care, says this in their guide Mutual Aid, Trauma and Resiliency

One implication of the relationship between safety and trauma is that, depending on one’s life circumstances (including the availability of social support, financial security, food, housing, and self-defense), the most effective strategy for trauma recovery may be to do no exploration of the traumatic memories at all. Preventing re-traumatization is a worthy goal in itself and at times is the best one can do given one’s circumstances. There is no shame in prudently waiting to explore traumatic memories until one judges that it is safe to do so—it is a necessary part of the healing process.

You’re ready to begin!

OF MUTUAL BENEFIT is co-facilitated by you and your partner. If you would like to connect with others on Instagram who are also participating, you can use the hashtag #ofmutualbenefit .

Clicking on the image below will open up the PDF in a new window. You can download (and even print) for your convenience.

May this offering be of benefit to you and your community.

OF MUTUAL BENEFIT Part one

of mutual benefit part two

OF MUTUAL BENEFIT PART THREE

of mutual benefit part four